On April 6, 1990 I sold my computer business. It was a good day. Finally, after 14 years of incredible toil, I felt free. Unfortunately, the feeling didn’t last long. A week passed and I began to wonder: “What now?” I always wanted to work in some sort of fulltime Christian ministry. I thought: “I’ll apply to some universities and see what happens.” And so, I did. No response. I prayed. The sound was deafening. “Why God are you ignoring me?”
Months passed, and things got worse. Although a local community college hired me as an adjunct professor, the income was not nearly enough to cover family needs. Monthly bills were piling up. Something had to be done. Finally, out of desperation, Viv and I took matters into our own hands. We decided to go back to my roots and open an upholstery business in Pennsylvania. I emptied out our retirement account to cover start-up costs, and we found what appeared to be a good business site. We put up our house for sale and moved the family. It was scary but we were hopeful. It seemed like the right decision.
Our house didn’t sell. No one even wanted to look at it. It was so frustrating. The new business limped along marginally. The kids were the newcomers. In that rural community, outsiders from New Jersey were not easily accepted. Sneers and put-downs seemed to happen every day, and the teachers were particularly harsh. In all the distress, one of my sons began hanging out with the bad kids. He starting using drugs. This entire experience is one of the major regrets in my life. It turned our family upside down.
You might ask: “Didn’t you pray?” Yeah, I did, every day. A better question is: “Were you listening?” I have to say: “No.” I’d ask: “God give us wisdom.” After about 10 seconds or less, I’d start saying stuff. So, in the end, I made decisions based on what seemed right in my own eyes. Not a recipe for success, is it?
Suddenly and unexpectedly, six months later, I received a call. It was from one of the universities to which I applied. To this day, I’m not sure how they tracked me down. Perhaps they used a forwarding address. Who knows? During the phone conversation, they requested an interview and of course, I agreed. Shortly after, my younger son and I flew to Texas and spent a couple days there. This time I was determined to make sure that everyone in the family was to be part of the decision. I was offered a job as an assistant professor of Computer Science. The salary wasn’t great, but enough to manage. This initiated my second career.
As I reflect back, I wonder. What if I waited? The university would have still contacted me. Months of hell was avoidable. Moving, starting, and closing a business in a short amount of time is not fun.
You would think that I would learn. A few years later, we were living in Duncanville, a suburb of Dallas, Tx. Things were okay, but both Viv and I preferred country living. A couple of acres came up for sale at a good price. We bought the land, planning to build. Full of optimism, we put our house up for sale. We tried for months. It wouldn’t sell. Finally, we scrapped the plan and sold the property. A couple of years later, a nice pair of country lake front lots came on the market. We bought them and put our house up for sale again. Months passed. The house wouldn’t sell. We sold one of the properties and then tried once more. No luck. Eventually, we gave up and sold the second lot. We thought, “Why God? What did we do? Why is it so hard to sell our house? Why does this always seem to happen?”
More time passed. The school sponsored an intramural running club. My older son joined and so did I. It was fun running with the athletes. When the coach eventually resigned, I was the logical choice to continue leading the program. In the course of time, I was able to get approval for cross country and track to be recognized as official intercollegiate school sports.
Over the next few years, my responsibilities steadily increased. Finally, in 2000, I found myself maintaining a fulltime teaching position, pursuing a PhD, and coaching. The burden was too great. I could no longer handle all of this and realized that my health was beginning to fail. Viv is a lot more perceptive than I. She saw what was happening, and one day while praying, she clearly heard these words: “Get out of Egypt.”
I loved coaching. I felt that I was making a difference in the lives of my athletes. Perhaps the university would allow me to focus on athletics. Might they agree to relieve me of my teaching load? It was worth a try. They refused. I was at a point of crisis. One thing was certain, though. Things could not continue as they were. So, I gave my one-year resignation notice. In the Fall of that year, I applied for a number of coaching positions around the country. Nothing developed. Then, in February with only a couple months left in my final semester, I applied to teach Computer Science at universities on the West coast.
What happened next was amazing. I quickly had two solid job offers. We put our house up for sale, and this time it sold within a week. That was the same week in which I successfully completed my PhD defense. On the day after my graduation, we finished packing and were on our way to Oregon to begin a new life.
What do I make of all of this? God was never absent during my journey even though sometimes, in the midst of trouble, it felt that way. When we plow forward with our plans, God does not leave nor turn away. He goes along for the ride, but often he doesn’t do anything. He has purposes unknown to us even when he lets us go our own way. There are no guarantees that he always will intervene and conform to our will. It is not his fault when we self-destruct. This observation encapsulates my Pennsylvania experience.
Other times, providence prevents us from going in a way that would be harmful. We were prevented building our dream home in the country. Who knows what would have happened if we succeeded going down that path? And then, there are times when God smiles and brings everything together amazingly at the last minute in a way that is entirely unexpected.
It all comes down to patience and trust. We as Christians say we trust God. Unfortunately, the actions we take all too often reveal something else. We don’t like not being in charge. This leads to times where we loudly complain and yell out angrily. It is who we are.
It is easy to read the Bible and put the giants of faith on a pedestal. It is easy to forget that they were common folk, with the same kind of problems and failures as we have. They would trust, and then they wouldn’t. They would be patient, and then they would go their own way. They would cling to God, and then they would fall away. Abraham, a friend of God, was promised an heir. He was patient with lots of trust for quite a while. God didn’t seem to deliver. Finally, Abraham bailed, taking matters into his own hands. This led to conflicts between the descendants of Ishmael and Isaac that persist to this day. What about Rebecca? She was told that the older would serve the younger. Was she patient to see how God would bring it about? No! Deception brought about conflict between brothers. Generational hatred followed. And then there was David. After his anointing, he patiently fled from Saul for years. But then, he gave up, left the country and aligned himself with one of Israel’s enemies. Fortunately, in this case, God intervened and protected him from making mistakes from which he would not recover.
God seems so slow, distant. His actions often do not conform to our expectations. Patience and trust are hard. This is especially so when we have to wait years and decades for things to change. After all, we are weak. Learning that God has our back is difficult when trouble surrounds and overwhelms us. We by nature see in terms of our single span of years. Immortality appears as a far-off by-and-by illusion. In this article, I’ve illustrated my shortcomings. Yet, even in the midst of uncertainty, I’m beginning to realize that
for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose (Rom 8:28).
In the meantime, we can support fellow brothers and sisters who are struggling. Our job is to
Hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. (Rom 12:9-18)
These are words to live by. It takes a lifetime to fully grasp their meaning and live accordingly.
Thanks for listening,secondlooknow.com
Well said. Wow.
I’d love to sum up with some pithy proverb, but Paul’s words can’t be beat.
You’ve packed a lot into this, Dan.
Sometimes we paganly blame God for our decisions, as if we were not free to choose.
On the other hand, I look back on some opportunities and wonder if God was maybe sliding them into the moment and hoping I would notice.
Our worst and most devastating experience was the loss of our son in 1994; and of course, being Christian people, we were told, “God loved him more than you did, and He called your son back to heaven”; and ” all things work together for good.”… oh really? for who and how did our loss work for good for us? for our son, I know he is with Y’shua,; I have heard in my spirit that “he (Aaron) is with Me”..
so, yes that way is good… but be CARE-FULL when you talk to grieving families about what they lost, or WHO they lost;….. your words can utterly destroy the faith of a deeply wounded and bereaved family….
Just sayin…….”WEEP With those who WEEP…”
“God was never absent during my journey even though sometimes, in the midst of trouble, it felt that way.” So good to know our feelings are not the basis of our faith.