Memory works in mysterious ways. One time, I was going along minding my own business. Suddenly, there it was, a flash of memory. It was incomplete, but the incident was familiar. I was looking for something; I don’t even remember what it was. Perhaps it was a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver; I don’t know. Anyhow, it was not where I expected. During the memory, I experienced the emotions that I felt when it happened. They were a combination of frustration, anger, and accusation. “The tool was moved. Where did they put it? Who did it? They are going to hear from me!” My kids were the obvious candidates; they often grabbed tools and almost never put them back. “They did it! It had to be them!”
Well, there was a quick turn of events and everything changed. I found the thing. It was where I put it in the first place; it was my fault. In an instant, new emotions emerged. Now I experienced a combination of embarrassment and guilt. This was followed with thoughts of: “Let’s forget about it. After all, nothing really happened.” The incident parallels what I sometimes observe with our pet cats. Occasionally they will take a mighty leap to the counter and miss. What do they do next? First, they regain their dignity. Then they nonchalantly walk away as if the great fall never happened. All is well.
My flashback of emotions lasted for only three or four seconds, transitioning from frustration, awkward realization, to dismissal. I never forgot it, and I’m sure things like this happen to most of us from time to time. When someone else does something to us, we react and have an urge to righteously confront the situation; judgment is in order. When it turns out that we are to blame; we either deny that it ever happened, blame someone else, cover it over with anger, or maybe even apologize. Somehow, we feel deserving of mercy, whereas for others, there’s a price to be paid.
This reminds me of Jesus’ parable of the unforgiving servant (Matt 18). The servant owes his master a huge sum, billions in today’s dollars. He pleads for mercy, but keeps his dignity by pretending that he will eventually pay it all back. The master obviously knows the servant’s limitations; the funds are gone forever. Regardless, he takes the loss upon himself and forgives the servant anyway. As the parable continues, we learn that his coworker owes him a few thousand dollars. Now he is in the position of strength as he listens to his colleague’s plea, which was just like his before. But he shows no mercy. Instead, he rejects the request and demands full payment. To debtor’s prison his fellow servant goes.
There are a few parts of this parable that impact me. The first is the setting. At the start of the chapter, the disciples were arguing about who will be the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven. Perhaps Peter felt offended. After all, he was the dude, the key part of the inner circle. Obviously, he will be the greatest. I doubt the other disciples agreed. So, Peter came to Jesus feeling quite spiritual. “If someone offends me, should I forgive them seven times?” Peter doesn’t get the answer he expects. “No, seventy sevens.” In other words, there is no limit. Jesus follows this with the parable we just discussed.
The next thing I notice is interesting. Who calls out the unforgiving servant? It is his peers. They are saddened by the whole thing and quickly bring it to the attention of their master. We humans are wired with a sense of right and wrong and quickly notice when others act as hypocrites. In my flashback incident, I didn’t act out my frustration. Nevertheless, the duplicity was stamped deep into my heart. How else would it have unexpectedly popped up decades later? If I didn’t find the dumb tool, it is quite likely that I would have said and did things that I later regretted. As we think, we are.
Finally, there are those last two verses. Jesus did not nicely tie up the parable with a feel-good ending. The unforgiving servant was cast into prison, and Jesus ends his teaching with a stern warning: “So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
Woah, that’s harsh. It causes me to reflect on the warning. How will the loving Father do that? To what prison does he refer? These are my thoughts. We all are aware of physical laws governing the Universe, like gravity for instance. We certainly can use our free will to jump off a cliff. If we do, we undoubtedly will crash and be broken apart. No one blames the Father for creating gravity. It is hard to even imagine a world without such a force. Everyone would be firmly grounded to nothing in midair, floating to and fro. I submit that there are also spiritual laws, and they are every bit as real as the physical ones. We can choose to violate these as well. The consequences may not be immediate, but without repentance, they surely will come in time. Consider the spiritual law of forgiveness. Because we are created in God’s image, we are designed to forgive. If we choose not to, we fester inwardly. Eventually, an abscess will burst and it will tear us apart. The loving Father doesn’t need to throw us into a physical dungeon. We suffer bondage in a prison of our own making. Even worse, the poison often spreads to our friends and neighbors.
For minor offenses, this kind of reasoning makes sense. The question is: what do we do when we experience the full force of evil landing on us. People can do horrible things, like rape, child abuse, murder, etc. Heart-felt forgiveness is near impossible when these things happen, at least without help. Assistance from the Spirit and from those willing to walk with us are necessary. Yes, we never forget; that is a given. Nevertheless, it is possible to come to the point where we recall the incident, but without feeling the intense accompanying pain. There is no choice though. The process of forgiveness is necessary, not for the perpetrator’s sake, but for the benefit of our own soul. Freedom is the goal, and forgiveness is the only path to it.
Thank you for listening,secondlooknow.com
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Dan,
This humbling Truth is so good and so timely!
Who hasn’t been ‘there’ in this situation?
I am glad for your insightful and helpful articles,
Thanks!
I’m stumbling around here on the floor trying to regain my dignity.
Give me a minute, please, before I’m expected to walk nonchalantly away.